I wish I had a job were I could punch you in the face

One of the hazards of being a librarian is stupid comments from people who don't seem to understand what a librarian does. Yes, I have a wonderful job. Yes, I am allowed to read at the reference desk. Yes, sometimes I supervise teens playing Guitar Hero. No, that isn't all I do. Yet, invariably, I have a patron that will walk up and say, "I wish I had a job where I would sit and read books all day" or "I wish I had a job where I could play video games all day." Me too, ass clown. Me too.

Look, I know I make it look easy most of the time. I'm just that good. But what about when it isn't all fun and games? Where are the snarky bastards then? Today I was alone on the reference desk when I fell victim to a deluge of reference questions. One after another, sometimes two or three at a time. Patrons were lining up at the desk. Other patrons following me around as I tried to help another patron. The phone was ringing off the hook. Other librarians were calling me with their reference questions! Did I crack under pressure? NO! I answered each and every question like the consummate professional I am. I was a fountain of information. No. Not a fountain. I was a fire hose of information. A broken fire hose! Spewing forth information in all directions with no conceivable way to stop me!

Finally, when it all died down, I sat down again. I took a deep a breath, gave myself a pat on the back and decided to check my email. In that instant a patron appeared at my desk and said, "I wish I had a job where I could play on the internet all day." Son...of...a...bitch.

One of these days I'm going to sit down after a particularly busy period and a patron is going to walk up to me and go, "That was awesome. Rock on, librarian. Rock on with your bad self." I can dream, can't I?